Unpacking the Boxes: A Journey of Mindfulness
"I stink at math."
That’s the story I told myself growing up. A box I put myself in.
I still remember sitting in the family room as a kid, pencil in one hand, head in the other, looking at math pages through tears as I struggled to complete the assignment. Lots of tears. Lots of yelling. This was the scene. For years.
And for years, I sat in this box. The belief “I stink at math” was easier to cling to than digging in and doing the work to improve. If I stink at math, then I’ll get bad grades. When I get bad grades, my belief is reaffirmed as well as the belief of those around me. A safe space. Comfort.
A fixed mindset.
It wasn’t until senior year of high school, a decade into this “I stink at math” journey, that I started to change. I don’t remember why I got a tutor. If I had to guess it’s because I needed a good grade to play sports. But it was in that experience that I started to realize I was actually decent at math. If I put some extra work in, with someone who explained it in a way that made sense to me, then I would improve.
A growth mindset.
The human brain is like a supercomputer. It takes experiences, forms stories to reinforce, which then creates beliefs that ultimately link to identity. Putting the beliefs in a box with every encounter, whether we realize it (conscious) or not (subconscious).
Coaches put players in boxes: Player A is good. Player B is bad.
Athletes put teammates in boxes: I like player A. I don't like player B.
Parents give boxes out for all the things.
Right or wrong, it's a fixed mindset.
It's our brain's way of helping. But is it? What if someone changes? It’s safer to keep the belief in the box and ignoring the change than step outside, do the work, ask questions.
Questions like...
"Why do I believe this?”
“Is this thought helping me?”
“Can I change?”
"Do I want to change?"
It takes moments of pause and the tool of mindfulness to catch a thought and ask these questions in a kind, curious way. And the answers? If I’m being honest, I think they have the potential to rock your world.
I took myself out of the “I stink at math” box decades ago; however, there are still people who have kept me in all these years later. And I can't control that. I'm not going to bust out a calculation to prove anything to anyone. But what I can control is who I surround myself with and what boxes I put others in.
So the next time you think about yourself or a coach or a parent or your kid as a player, try catching that thought. Shine a light on it and start asking questions. Is it helping? The coach? The player? The parents? Are we fixed? Growth? Do we want to be?
Do I stink at math?
It’s not easy. But the power it gives back to us is worth it.
In Your Corner,
Nikki
