Connecting the Dots of self-worth with hats & mindfulness

A little about me… 

I am an athlete.  

I am a coach.  

I am a wife. 

I am a parent. 

I am a business owner. 

I am a podcaster. 

I am a blogger.  

I go to therapy once a week to unpack current and past events. (It’s been a game changer for me and I highly recommend if you’re ready to do some work.) My therapist talks a lot about the idea of the hats that we wear at any given time. We’ve narrowed my hats down to the following…  

Nikki, the person 

Nikki, the mom 

Nikki, the coach  

I’ve always said I’m not going to push any personal unlived experiences on my kids. Nikki the person is good there. And yet, something comes over me when my kids are out there doing hard things. I get a feeling within my body. And truthfully I don’t like it.  I’ve been practicing the tool of mindfulness with this feeling lately to better understand where it’s coming from.   

Mindfulness is at the core of what I do as a mindset coach. To be mindful is to be..

Curious about what's happening around you (both inside and out)

In a kind, no judgement way

Getting to know the alarms our body sounds

Understanding where they stems from

Connecting the dots.

Lately, when my kids are doing hard things, I’ll notice a feeling start to bubble up. An alarm is trying to sound. Instead of giving into it, I sit with it in a curious way, get to know it a little more. In doing this activity, I've discovered an answer for my own alarm that might be helpful to you.   

When my kids enter “the arena” (any arena) my self-worth as Nikki the person and Nikki the parent is tied to their performance. If they do well, that means I’ve done well as a parent. If they don’t do well, that means I haven’t done well as a parent.   

In the moment my kids are doing something hard, I am wearing my Nikki the person and Nikki the mom hat. And I get that but I don’t want to wear them. It’s too heavy a weight to carry every time my kids do something hard. Tying my our own self worth as a person and parent into my child’s performance? I don’t think that is fair. For them. Or me.  To help, I’ve added a few more hats to the list:  

Nikki, the person 

Nikki, the mom 

Nikki, the coach 

My daughter's hat 

My son's hat

My husband's hat  

I’m just giving hats away at this point.   

It’s freed Nikki the person up. To be a better person. After the event, and my kid wants to talk about it? I’m wearing their hat. Not mine. I think parents can do this. Coaches. Athletes. Teachers. Friends. Asking yourself what hat you’re wearing when a thought comes through. Is it a hat you’d like to continue to wear? Or maybe swap out for another?  It’s not perfect and I don’t have it down quite yet but it’s been a fascinating journey so far and I’m sharing my experiences with the hope that others might be able to shine a light into what hat they are wearing. Asking this question…”Is it helping?”   With the hope that we can be better because of. 

In Your Corner,

Nikki